I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
