So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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