Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
