I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
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