shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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