I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
