ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
