hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
