Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
