The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Randomize
