dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize