I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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