dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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