have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
