you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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