A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
You left your underwear on the fireplace
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care