the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
