the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
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My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Stone age, man.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
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Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you