my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.