Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice" http://tfl.nu/bgbh
  Replies (18) Good night (3920) Bad night (952)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick. http://tfl.nu/0596
  Replies (43) Good night (1230) Bad night (2849)
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had http://tfl.nu/excp
  Replies (12) Good night (4049) Bad night (1465)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card http://tfl.nu/bprl
  Replies (30) Good night (2410) Bad night (7903)
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything http://tfl.nu/e4ud
  Replies (8) Good night (3704) Bad night (1087)
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..." http://tfl.nu/m7yq
  Replies (12) Good night (3362) Bad night (1162)
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats. http://tfl.nu/tu2s
  Replies (17) Good night (4623) Bad night (1631)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing. http://tfl.nu/hw5t
  Replies (6) Good night (1373) Bad night (3022)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca. http://tfl.nu/7ojr
  Replies (6) Good night (3476) Bad night (1117)
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle. http://tfl.nu/6yo0
  Replies (4) Good night (714) Bad night (908)
• Favorite

  (323): View more from California

  Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (323): Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud. http://tfl.nu/58eq
  Replies (10) Good night (2649) Bad night (462)
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (209): My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it. http://tfl.nu/53yn
  Replies (2) Good night (328) Bad night (623)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk http://tfl.nu/g5v5
  Replies (1) Good night (822) Bad night (313)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry. http://tfl.nu/g914
  Replies (2) Good night (392) Bad night (215)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml http://tfl.nu/zovi
  Replies (5) Good night (325) Bad night (671)

Randomize