So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Don't say a word.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off