Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...