Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
