just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
should my penis look like a turkey
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
