11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
