THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
