You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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