You can't motorboat a personality
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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