Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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