just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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