my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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