It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
