Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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