I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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