And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
