Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
She's the barista slut.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I deserve to be covered in dicks
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
