But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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