Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize