Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
