good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I forget how to act sober
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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