I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Randomize
