So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
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