The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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