I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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