i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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