His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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