dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
