so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
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...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
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If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
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