Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
then he tried to convert me to islam
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
