went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
