WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
