There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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