So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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