Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
