Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
