Please, let me fuck your mom
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
