I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Randomize
