Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
