Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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