Sry I called you an 8
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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