Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
