the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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