Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Randomize
