I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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