when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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