I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
