When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
My vagina just clenched in fear
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
