Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
