i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
