Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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