Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
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