R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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