After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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