never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
