my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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