I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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