well I can't set my house on fire every night
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
