even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
