So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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