i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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