I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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