Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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