why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Randomize
