I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
