He disabled his match.com account in front of me
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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