Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
