She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
