Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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