so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
